The toxic effects of perfectionism

Perfectionism means striving for flawlessness. It is having unrealistic expectations, followed by negative feelings when those expectations aren’t met.

Wanting to be good at things motivates one to improve, but wanting to be perfect can impact one’s mental health. The paradox is that a wish for perfection can sabotage everything we are striving for.

Perfectionism can be:

1. Expecting yourself to be perfect

2. Expecting others to be perfect

3. Thinking about others expecting you to be perfect and you trying to hold on to that image.

Perfectionism comes from our imagination. We want to be ideal, or noble while living in our mediocre lives. Yet we often underestimate the struggles or effort required to be perfect.

One study found that over half of people who died by suicide were described by their loved ones as “perfectionists.” Another study found that more than 70 percent of young people who died by suicide were in the habit of creating “exceedingly high” expectations of themselves.

Being self-critical is the start of perfectionism. Perfectionism often verges on self-abuse. “[Perfectionists] are hugely hard on themselves,” says Canadian psychologist Paul Hewitt, “with a hatred that is breathtaking at times.”

How to deal with perfectionism:

1. Get a clear understanding and awareness of what it would really take to be perfect. Gauge the effort, time, sacrifice and work that would actually be needed.

2. Ask yourself questions: Is your behaviour negatively impacting your self-esteem, relationships, and mental health? If yes, it’s become a problem and you need to deal with it.

3. Show self-compassion to yourself: Your inner harsh voice can be difficult to answer back to. Self-compassion and kindness can help you deal with your inner critic and prevent you from falling into depression.

Final Note: Every goal you set in life will be difficult. Try to estimate the struggles that achievement will entail. This will help you have the right expectations and be less critical when obstacles happen.