Do you (or your partner) have an Anxious attachment system?

The bestseller "Attached" by neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and social psychologist Rachel Heller, explores the way attachment styles affect relationships. Their book primarily looks at Avoidant, Anxious and Secure relationship systems.

The Anxious attachment style tends to be hyper-aware of times when the relationship is threatened. Even a slight hint of relational issues will activate the Anxious attachment system and it will not be calmed until there is a clear indication of security from their partner.

Here are a few of the key attributes of the Anxious attachment system:

Excessive contact: Calling, texting, emailing and a great deal of time waiting for responses to these connections

Withdrawing: Turning away, not speaking or ignoring their partner

Keeping score: Paying attention to how long it takes to return texts, calls, to apologize, etc. and using distance as a weapon

Acting hostile: Rolling eyes, avoiding eye contact, leaving in the middle of a discussion

Threatning to leave: Making threats to leave but hopes their partner will stop them

Stirring jealousy: Getting together with an ex, going to a singles bar, flaunting attention from other interested singles

Levine & Heller advise those with an Anxious style to find someone with a Secure attachment style who offers intimacy, stability and a long-lasting relationship. Casual, short-term and/or distant relationships will be very difficult for those with the Anxious attachment style.