Being a champion for your partner through new parenthood

Nothing rocked our world like our son’s arrival in 2020. It was easy to get lost in happy milestones, cluster-feeding, and frantic late-night searching about the color of poop. I asked my husband about some of the ways we’re still a life raft for each other (my sexy life raft).

Clear and honest communication isn't revolutionary, but we both cited it first. Being vulnerable about when we were struggling left little room for tension to grow. We are each other’s safety net. We make an effort to note and celebrate each other's brightest moments, too.

Always leave room for each other's input. Listening and asking for guidance speaks volumes because it underscores how much your partner's opinion matters. There’s nothing quite like being seen by the person you care about most. It builds confidence and trust.

Get a little nostalgic. Going on a date to a beer bar, playing a favorite game together, or looking at photos of old adventures all make me insufferably romantic. They remind me we’re just different versions of the people we used to be, and those moments led us straight here.

Bond over brand new experiences (other than raising a small gremlin together). Finding agency by choosing something unknown readies us for less glamorous things like potty training or preschool. If we can hike in a National Park with a toddler, we can do anything.

Play to your strengths. I don’t mind cleaning the fifth spilled cup of water that day. My husband doesn’t get touched out the way that I do. After two years of picking up on our cues, we know when to step in with a big sigh and a tired look. It can rescue my day.

Be patient with each other and yourself. Gentle parenting should apply to parents, too! We often struggle to find our footing, just like our kid. We're learning every day, with less sleep and more mess. If I have a quick temper, I name it, and try to fill my cup to soften it.

Free time. We're both better partners if we have time to do exactly whatever it is we want to do. Knowing who we are and what we enjoy outside of being a parent gives us strength in the hardest moments. Read a book, take a class, go to a show. We're not just tantrum tamers.

Find joy in the new dynamic. For the weekends without time on our side, we bring our son to the plant nursery or the bookstore and watch each other thrive as parents in small glimpses. The pace and mood aren't the same as a day date, but they're moments of love all the same.

Each piece of advice naturally has its own counterbalance, and I think that speaks to the way we move as partners and parents. I crumble, he finds a way to be strong. He's suddenly unsteady, I find certainty and calm. Our intent is to be each other's ally in every way we can.