I don't understand the appeal of salad. Never have, and probably never will. With regards to both taste and practical benefit, salad is a head-scratcher. But let’s start with the latter.

Now, if any of you happen to love the taste of raw leafy greens, my argument is not with you. I’m looking at what I consider the… traditional salad consumers, the ones who eat salad for its ostensible health benefits.

Think of the classic blue cheese wedge salad (650) one might order to complement a steak dinner, or the coleslaw (+300 calories) that fried chicken restaurants offer as a balm for patrons’ guilt.

Now, with the exception of those aforementioned leafy green lovers, most people will adorn their salads with certain toppings in search of flavor (unsurprisingly, leaves by themselves are quite bland).

Cheese (+122), croutons (+113), and a laundry list of dressings (+145/T) are just a few that line the pantheon of iconic salad ingredients (380, total). For reference, this hypothetical salad is already 1/5th of your daily consumption, and from a supposedly light meal at that.

It is at this point that salad runs the same conundrum as two-in-one shampoo: it tries to take on two tasks at once and fails both. Where the shampoo removes the oils in hair, the conditioner aspect then adds those oils right back in.

Similarly, while the minimalist leafy green base of the salad lacks calories and unhealthy fats and oils, the bottle of haphazardly applied ranch and the three scoopfuls of croutons more than compensate for the meal’s “missing” calories.  

So for most, salads are a compromise rather than the win-win they’re marketed as. But fear not, as you need not look far for salvation.

Instead of slathering your salad with other ingredients in an attempt to mask its taste deficiencies, the promise of salad can be fulfilled simply by cooking the leafy greens.

For one, you’ll eat more vegetables. Raw leaves rather resemble unfolded clothes, taking up much more space while not actually being a higher quantity, while dramatically improving the taste, thankfully all without the need for a ranch soup to drown out the blandness.