8 Ways to Show You're Deeply Listening

Communication is hard, especially when it comes to sensitive subjects or tense situations. What can make all this even harder is one feels they aren't being heard. Feeling unheard can make a hard talk - impossible. Here's how to help others know you're listening:

Monotask: Whether you're pulling up information relevant to the conversation, making dinner for whom you're speaking to, or mentally planning your day - none of these matter as much deeply listening. If an important conversation happens, show you prioritize it by just listening.

Eye Contact: You may not think you need to look in someone's eyes in order to focus on what they're saying. You may be great at listening while looking at your phone, or off into the distance, but giving eye contact communicates engagement, helping the other person feel heard.

Body Language: During difficult conversations it may be easy to get so lost in thought you don't even notice the position of your arms, the look on your face or perhaps the way you are slumped in your chair. Try and look at yourself objectively, do you look interested or bored?

Ask: Before you offer any of your own opinions, thoughts or ideas - ask a question about what the other person said. Even if you think you understand 100% of their statements, make it a point to ask a question. If not for your own understanding, for them to feel you really care.

Repeat: There is profound power in the phrase "It sounds to me like you...". This small restatement offering allows the other person to iron out any misunderstandings, as well as communicates that you know their position so well you can state it back correctly.

Avoid Judgement: Stating facts - especially those stated by the one you're listening to - is great. Or facts about yourself, like how you feel is a fact, that's great too. However, sharing opinions about what you're hearing can show you're not listening so much as auditing.

Validate: This may be the most important part of deep listening - tell the other person why what they say is important. Even if you disagree, find anything positive or understandable about what they are saying and tell them "I see what you mean" or "That makes sense because.."

Keep it Light: There is always room to keep any conversation pleasant and enjoyable. It's natural to feel anger, sadness - many different emotions. But these don't show you're listening deeply. You can communicate your feelings without demonstrating them. Take breaks as needed!

Happy listening!

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