What are the subtle signs of a relationship in trouble?
Nov 29, 2022 · 2 mins read
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It all starts in our head. When we find ourselves constantly thinking the same toxic things about our partner, a relationship can quickly derail – even if those thoughts aren’t true!
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The first thing to watch out for is the “All-or-Nothing Trap”. This is when there are no grey areas, only extremes, e.g. “You never listen!” or “You always have to ruin things!”
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The “Should Bomb” is when one person in the relationship assumes that the other is a mind-reader, i.e. “I expect you to meet my needs because you should know what they are!”
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“Label Slinging” is when you make a habit of oversimplifying your partner’s behavior in negative and unfair ways – at the expense of seeing their good qualities. e.g. “You’re so lazy!”
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“Emotional short circuits” are what happens when one person becomes adamant that their partner is intolerable or a lost cause, e.g. “He’s impossible. No one could put up with this!”
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The “Head Game Gamble” is when you jump to negative conclusions about your partner’s behavior, e.g. “She’s being nice to me, so there must be something bad I don’t know about.”
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“Disillusionment Doom” is when idealized expectations, based on past experiences, start to crumble before our eyes, e.g. “You’re just like all the rest – you only care about X!”
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“The Blame Game” is a classic move where we take no responsibility for a situation and put the issue squarely on the other person, e.g. “This is all because of you and your stubborn ways!”
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There may be a degree of truth to any of these thoughts, but focusing on them is a surefire way to kill a relationship. Overcoming these issues essentially boils down to your ability to keep sight of all your partner’s positive attributes, despite any difficulties.
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TLDR: Many people simply think their way out of a relationship. They fall into common thought patterns that often go unaddressed or unresolved. But as long as this thinking can be managed, it removes a huge block in terms of openness and trust: the lifeblood of any good couple.
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