The Brene Brown guide to self-acceptance

We’ve all experienced the pressure to conform: a powerful impulse that can cause us to compromise (or even sacrifice) our true self. The antidote to this is authenticity.

Authenticity requires two kinds of strength. Creating your own story (rather than just fitting into someone else’s) means having the courage to be vulnerable. It also means being compassionate enough to know that you’re not alone and that everyone has relatable struggles.

Perfectionism is an invisible shield that never works. Those who strive for perfection are driven by fear; the underlying belief is that if they could just get everything right, they’d be safe from criticism/shame. This can lead to mental paralysis or drowning yourself in work.

There’s so much emphasis on productivity today that having fun can induce feelings of guilt or self-indulgence. But playtime is not the opposite of work: it’s the opposite of depression! Our well-being depends on the ability to do the things we want to do without any set outcome.

What are your unique gifts or talents? The more you tap into them, the more joy and meaning your life will have. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t bring you money or fame. That’s not the point!

Learn to let yourself go a little. There’s no better way to embrace the real you than making time to laugh, dance, and sing. Who cares what it looks like? Trying to be cool is a waste of time.

Self-acceptance is powered by two important qualities: resilience and gratitude. It’s healthy to be hopeful (even if those hopes don’t always pan out); the key is to keep going anyway. Practicing gratitude for the small things in life makes us more positive and happier.

Some people are so fearful of uncertainty that they prefer to make decisions based purely on facts and rationality. But learning to embrace who you are requires embracing intuition, i.e. learning to be comfortable with a little bit of doubt as you follow your instincts.

It’s human nature to compare ourselves to others… but it’s also incredibly harmful. Constantly wondering how we measure up is another form of conformity. It just dilutes your individuality: all the things that make you special.

Bottom line: Fitting in might feel a safe strategy, but it’s psychologically harmful. Forget about conforming, comparing, or trying to be perfect. Be open about your fears or flaws, and try to frame things positively. Remember that original is always better than average.