Our inner conflicts and neurotic tendencies are a terrible waste of our energy, and if left unchecked they can corrupt our whole life. But how can we identify and deal with them?

Karen Horney was a pioneering psychologist who was educated in Freudian psychoanalysis. But she came to reject the idea that people are prisoners of their unconscious minds or pasts. We could self-analyze our way to psychological wholeness.

Neurotic symptoms, Horney said, always pointed to some unresolved conflict. The conflict could manifest as depression, anxiety, inertia, indecision, undue detachment, and overdependence.

A conflict involves inconsistencies. Examples: a) A person who is greatly affronted by a perceived slur, when in fact none was given. b) One who apparently values another's friendship, but nevertheless steals from them.

c) A woman who claims devotion to her children, yet somehow forgets their birthdays. d) A girl whose chief desire is to marry, but avoids contact with men. e) A forgiving and tolerant person to others who is very severe on himself.

Things that 'don't add up' like this indicate a divided personality. Consider the mother above. She may have had an unconscious sadistic tendency to frustrate her children's enjoyment because her own childhood was bad.

A child growing up in a hostile family environment wants love like everyone else, but may feel forced to become aggressive themselves in order to cope. As an adult, these genuine needs come to conflict with their neurotic need to control situations and people.

The person they feel neurotically driven to be, tragically, is the very personality which will never deliver them what they truly want.

Taken to extremes, neuroticism ends up creating people of a 'Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde' character, divided within themselves yet tragically unaware of the division.

Horney identified three basic neurotic trends: moving toward people; moving against people; and moving away from people. In the next part we look at each.