Coping with Grief During the Holidays

For many people the holidays are a time to gather with loved ones and celebrate with special traditions. But those who are grieving often find holidays weighed down with loss. Instead of being able to celebrate time together, the person they loved or counted on is absent.

Holidays have a way of magnifying the pain of loss. This is true whether you are struggling with grief due to death, divorce, adoption, separation, or relocation. The key is to lean in to the grief instead of trying to avoid it. Try the following strategies to cope with loss.

Create a memorial or tribute. Find a special way to honor your loved one. That could include a special Christmas tree ornament, saying a prayer, setting out a special picture, or creating a piece of art or writing that honors them. The possibilities are endless. 

Talk about it. Don’t be afraid to talk about the person your are grieving. Share stories of them—the funny memories, things you loved, and even the things that drove you nuts. Talk about what you have lost, whether that was a cherished love one or an unhealthy relationship.

Develop new traditions. This could include new ways of incorporating a loved one into an old tradition, or creating new memories with traditions that honor your life moving forward. Feel free to skip or let go of old traditions that no longer bring you joy. 

Give yourself permission to grieve. Grief is not “one size fits all,” so allow yourself the time and space to do what works for you. If you need to skip a holiday party, scale down a big dinner, spend an hour crying over old photos, or leave a gathering early, do it. 

Find your tribe. There is power in numbers. Find others who are struggling with loss and connect with them. That could be with family and friends, an in-person support group, social media group, or virtual group. Connect with those who understand what you’re going through.  

Pay it forward. Do something for others in honor of your loved one. Donate to a charity, give a gift to someone in need, donate to a local shelter, volunteer in a food pantry, or serve a holiday meal in the community. Helping others has a way of helping you as well. 

Ask for help. When you’re struggling to cope, don’t be afraid to reach out. Contact a friend or loved one and don’t be afraid to ask for what you need, whether that is someone to talk to or more tangible support. If your feelings become overwhelming, reach out to a therapist.

The holidays can be difficult to navigate when you’re grieving. Give yourself lots of grace and permission to cry, laugh, scream, or smile whenever you need it. Remember that although this time may be difficult, you can do hard things and this will get better.