How to issue the elusive 'perfect apology'

Cancel culture is a loaded phrase, but one that looms large in everyone's mind--particularly those on the public stage. The potential for the public to find fault with something you've done or said is terrifying largely because people believe there's no remedy. They're incorrect.

Lizzo stepped in it when she penned and recorded lyrics for her song GRRRLS. The problematic line refers to being a 'spaz'. The term is ableist, a slur hurled at people with disabilities. What she did next means she'll continue to croon for years to come. She apologized.

Many people apologize for their wrongs. J.K. Rowling issued an apology following trans-phobic remarks. Chrissy Teigen apologized for online bullying. Taylor Swift apologized for lyrics offensive toward the LGBT community.

But these apologies have resulted in a mixed bag of forgiveness. Rowling's apology was largely rejected. Teigen's apology was met with skepticism. Swift's apology was generally well received. Why do some fail and others succeed? They are a study in achieving perfection.

No one is perfect, but there actually is such thing as a 'perfect apology'. Social psychologists have identified 5 steps to constructing the perfect apology 1) admitting fault, 2) admitting damage, 3) expressing remorse, 4) asking for forgiveness, and 5) offering compensation.

Following her tweets about trans people, Rowling didn't go through any of the steps. She essentially doubled down on her statements admitting no fault or remorse. Instead she tried to defend and justify her comments and stance. Years later, it's not forgotten nor forgiven.

Teigen's case shows what happens when some steps are taken. A very public mea culpa was followed by a brief hiatus to work on herself. Her second chance is touch and go, which may be a reflection of her failure to offer any true recompense besides a temporary time out.

Swift was totally redeemed because she actually called herself out and went above and beyond on step 5. Her self-censure added authenticity to her apology. Her compensation of changing the lyrics to her offensive song was fine, but she added a bonus of even editing the video.

Lizzo's apology fell within the Swift territory. She wasn't aware enough to catch her own mistake, but she did respond with unequivocal statements of fault, damage, and remorse. She humbly asked for forgiveness. And she immediately changed the lyrics as compensation.

Some have said that cancel culture is so scary because it's a designation from which there is not possibility of return. The truth is a comeback is not only possible but fairly easy. People just have to apologize and take concrete steps to repay the public.