How do I talk to friends about money issues?

Bringing up money issues is fraught with emotion: asking may feel invasive, while being put on the spot about your finances is often uncomfortable. Things can get awkward quickly.

The good news is that crises like Covid-19 and the war in Ukraine have made broaching this subject a lot easier, as everyone's financial position becomes more precarious.

When the economy is struggling all over the world, there’s less stigma surrounding financial difficulty – which allows for greater candor and understanding.

One issue that remains, especially in the midst of crisis, is discussing the root cause of financial instability, i.e. “the system”. This is an easy way for things to get heated, so tread carefully.

The key to feeling your way through any complex conversation is empathy. How you address a subject plays a much bigger role than what you say.

If you’re feeling apprehensive about asking, communicate this to the other person and let them know what your motivation is, e.g. “I know this is a difficult topic and I want to be sensitive here, but I think it would help me to know your position on this.”

If you’re trying to negotiate a reduction in rent, for example, it can be helpful to start by acknowledging that your landlord may be impacted by the crisis, too.

Reaching out to a friend who has been laid off can also be uncomfortable. But showing that your heart is in the right place (i.e. you’re thinking of them and want to check-in) can easily spare any awkwardness. Ignoring the issue will only make things worse.

If you want to help a friend out financially, frame it as a gift – and only give what you can afford. Making a gesture of it (“Treat yourself on me”) mitigates any fear that it’s done out of pity.

Bottom line: Talking about money will always be difficult, but as long as you approach it with empathy (i.e. listening and showing consideration), both sides can feel comfortable addressing a loaded subject – especially in times when almost everyone is under some financial strain