The Role of Self-Parenting in Healing Trauma

Like so many others, my brother and I went through a lot as kids. When I was five my father suffered a severe head injury and emigrated to the US shortly after. This was incredibly traumatic for my mother who was forced to raise two rambunctious boys singlehandedly.

While not the entire story, this marked the moment when her health began to severely decline. Though she undoubtedly did her best, many of our needs went unmet. Guidance, discipline, care, validation, presence—all deficits in development requiring attention.

Self-parenting refers to the act of providing what you may have missed growing up. It means tending to the wounds of your inner child and allowing them to feel seen, heard, and protected.

Today, despite the leaps and bounds made in mental health awareness, many online personalities promulgate toxic masculinity. The very idea of embracing vulnerability, and loving your inner child would be seen as weak, and counterproductive to strongarming your way to success.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

When people hear the word "trauma" they tend to think of a specific event."Complex trauma" describes the exposure to multiple traumatic events—often of an interpersonal, invasive quality—and the wide-reaching, long-term effects.

When trauma isn't properly attended to—either pushed away, ignored, or sublimated—it can lead to neuroses, coping mechanisms, and even serious physical problems. Beyond external means, self-parenting is an ever-available way to illuminate hidden wounds and heal them.

There are many methods to this practice including speaking lovingly, modeling good behavior, and setting clear emotional boundaries. You may experience resistance at first, and it might feel silly to talk to yourself, but over time it will become second nature

There is one powerful practice recommended by a host of mental health professionals:

Start with several minutes of mindfulness to get yourself in the right space.

Then give yourself a big hug, and verbalize the support, love, and kindness your inner child needs.

These words can be from a divine power, a fond relative who's died, or your higher self—whatever feels appropriate. What's important is the meaning and sincerity of what you say: "Well done, I'm really proud of you", or, "I love you and I'm here for you."

Despite how ridiculous this may sound it's actually immensely powerful, so don't be surprised if you experience an emotional release!

The above is only one of many methods. If you feel self-parenting could help you, I strongly recommend exploring the topic.

-More of my Memos.