How do I find my calling?

Early on children are taught to do as they are told and conform to societal norms. In Japan, acquiescence is so expected that saying “no” to anything is considered taboo.

The problem with only pursuing that which has been deemed as socially acceptable by the masses, is that everyone is unique. Everyone has an individual path that would bring them the most joy, but societal pressures may prevent many from ever finding it.

Your calling, purpose or “north star” is the life you long for despite all societal pressures, norms and perhaps against all odds. It is that unique desire you have which provides fulfillment.

The first step towards finding your “north star” is recognizing your 2 selves: Your social self (who acquiesces to society) and your essential self (the person you would be regardless of all external pressures).

The social self is the one who strives for that which society deems as important - popularity, prestigious credentials, status, money, etc. This is typically accompanied by much difficulty, stress and hard work.

The essential self also strives, but in a much more natural way. There is nothing to win or prove. It’s a life that you gravitate towards. The fulfillment from it means it's not draining, but actually enriching.

Many people spend years or even a lifetime attempting to suppress the deep inner voice calling them to a different life. However, there is no silencing your essential self forever. It will come out, whether in illness, stress, addiction or other ways. Your deepest needs will be revealed.

Often, trying to switch gears from living for our social self to our essential self brings fears like: “What will everyone think if I quit my job?” or “I’ll let everyone down if I move away.” But if you can develop a new and positive relationship with fear, you can pursue your calling.

When you find the path that your innermost being has needed you to be on, you may find a long lost vitality in many areas of life. Physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, fulfillment has vast and lasting effects on yourself and subsequently those around you.

As society progresses, increasingly unique people, skills and products are being valued. Whereas in times past, conformist, obedient behavior tended to get the most lucrative results, today it is originality that is hard to come by, so your “north star” may be doubly valuable.