5 Ways to Communicate With More Mindfulness

Marriage and family therapist Susan Gillis Chapman's 2012 self-help book The 5 Keys to Mindful Communication is a useful tool for anyone wishing to incorporate the mental-health practice of mindfulness into their day to day communications with others.

Chapman incorporates ideas from Buddhism as well as her 30 years of experience in the psychology field to offer the world what she views as the 5 essential keys to maintaining mindfulness - that is self-awareness and being in tune with your emotions and body - even in conflict.

1. Awake Body, Tender Heart, Open Mind: Listening to others well requires first listening to yourself. Check in with yourself during difficult conversations and ensure that you're using all 5 of your senses, that you're trusting your heart and that your mind is open and flexible.

2. Encouragement: See the heart of gold in yourself and strive to always see it and verbally encourage it in others. Encouragement is an antidote to tense moments by communicating curiosity and warmth. It preserves the safety and productivity of vulnerable conversations.

3. Gentleness: Commit not to harm yourself or others with your words by speaking gently. This will ensure your words are truly heard. Refrain from exaggerations or generalizations. Gently untangle misunderstandings and let your gentleness be resilient against discomfort.

4. Unconditional Friendliness: Be generous with your friendliness. This means authentically accepting your own flaws and those of others with a warm embrace, like a friend.

5. Playfulness: This is a flexible creativity, free of conventionality or preconceptions. Playfulness keeps conversations light, bright, pleasant and enjoyable for all. It takes vulnerability and transparency with others to show your playful side. This is invaluable!

Use these keys by analyzing your heart during conversations and think "Am I enjoying a green light conversation?" It should be easy, fun and welcoming. Yellow light is tender, vulnerable, sensitive discussions. Red light is a selfish shut-down of productive conversations.

The most important key of all is to stay in the present moment. Don't allow worries of the past or concerns of the future ruin the present moment. The most meaningful conversations occur when the 5 keys are used to foster vulnerable but healthy and productive conversations.

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