The confidence gap: is nature or nurture responsible?

Confidence is partly due to social conditioning. From an early age, boys are encouraged to be bold and experiment, which fosters a growth mindset. Girls are taught to prioritize appearances, put others first, and be more self-reflective.

The result of that conditioning? Men tend to be more confident even when underprepared and underqualified. Women tend to be less confident even when overprepared and overqualified.

Another unfortunate outcome of social conditioning is that men are expected to dominate conversations, which has been shown to result in women speaking 75% less. Internalizing a gender stereotype can instantly undermine a woman’s self-belief.

Genetics also play a role in confidence. Researchers believe that 25-50% of its broader characteristics (openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness) are inherited.

Three specific genes impact confidence levels: 

- COMT, which regulates dopamine: a chemical messenger that mediates pleasure

- OXTR, which regulates oxytocin and is responsible for our warmth towards others

- SLCA64, which transports serotonin: the chemical linked with happiness

These genes effectively contribute to a confidence cocktail: enough dopamine to get our nervous system fired up and ready to take action, enough serotonin to feel calm and composed, and enough oxytocin to radiate positivity.

A study by the Stanford Business School found that those who can pair "masculine" qualities (aggression, assertiveness, etc.) with more "feminine" qualities (like collaboration and humility) outperform everyone, regardless of gender.

Confidence can still be subtle; it’s not about dominating the room. You can be a good listener who goes out of your way to be diplomatic while also having a clear voice that’s taken seriously.

The key is to forget about questions of competence (which you probably have more than enough of) and focus instead on translating self-belief into actionable steps. That requires forgetting about perfection and being willing to fail.

Bottom line: Confidence is shaped by both nature and nurture. The good news is that anyone can learn it at any time. With a little practice, you can cultivate the self-belief you deserve. Read our Memo on the secrets of confidence to learn more...