How to be alone without feeling lonely

Loneliness activates the same part of the brain as hunger. They’re both basic human needs – and going without social interaction can often feel as hard as going without food.

Millions of people around the world struggle with loneliness, even before a pandemic blurred the line between not having any plans and not being able to make any.

But there are benefits to spending time by yourself if it’s done in the right way. According to Dr. Marisa Franco, a psychologist who specializes in friendship, there are several scientifically proven ways to feel more connected.

A key difference between being alone and feeling lonely is a sense of control. If you’ve chosen to be by yourself, you’re less likely to experience loneliness and more likely to see benefits to your wellbeing.

Another way of exercising control while alone is to spend your time doing something meaningful and fulfilling, like a hobby. Perceiving time by yourself as an opportunity helps take the sting out of loneliness.

Avoid “the plop effect”. In his book Bowling Alone, political scientist Robert D. Putnam studied factors that weakened communities. The main culprit? Television. Once you “plop” down on the couch, it becomes much harder to do anything else.

Technology can seem like a no-brainer when you’re isolated. Social media is a quick and easy way to connect with countless others. But research has shown that endless scrolling – as well as a sedentary (non-active) lifestyle – can increase anxiety, depression, and loneliness.

Try to find beauty in the everyday. Go on a simple “awe walk” for 15 minutes where you observe the color of leaves or the breeze caressing your face. Fostering a sense of gratitude and appreciation for the little things makes us feel more connected, even when alone.

Loving-kindness meditation is a guided exercise in self-reflection that has been shown to give an instant boost of connectedness. You can find examples on YouTube that only take a few minutes.

Bottom line: Loneliness can happen to anyone, young or old, rich or poor. But research has shown that it’s not a matter of being physically around other people or not. It’s all about the feelings you choose to cultivate internally.