Can’t catch a break? Here’s what to do when things get tough

We all go through rough patches and unlucky streaks: those moments when the universe seems to be conspiring against us.

Sometimes the most random, unexpected setbacks feel most frustrating. It makes us desperate to understand things and claw back some control. This is a natural reaction.

Let’s say a family member has received a serious medical diagnosis. What do we do? Start researching. This isn’t just to learn more; it’s to give us a better sense of agency in the process. Even when it’s an illusion, control reduces the threat of chaos and uncertainty.

The combination of bad feelings and negative events can get us stuck in a loop: The worse we feel, the worse we react. (It doesn’t help that negative stuff sticks out in our mind more prominently.) But there are things we can do to break the cycle…

Imagine if a friend confided in you about a terrible spell of luck that had bothered them. Would you say, “Well, I guess you’re cursed then! You brought this on yourself.” No. You’d most likely show compassion and tell them not to take it personally, assuring them that it won’t l

Do the same for yourself. View negative events from an outsider’s perspective. This is called “self-distancing” and lets you take a step back to consider the big picture objectively. It helps reduce stress, provide closure, improve health, and enhances decision-making.

Rituals are another way to turn the momentum of negativity. Doing what’s most comforting and familiar restores a sense of control. This has a grounding effect.

Research has shown that those who perform a meaningful daily ritual enjoy reduced anxiety levels. It also has a benefit for our cognitive abilities, as carrying out a little ritual can help us refocus after we’ve made a mistake.

Let’s remember one important thing: pushing negative feelings “away” is not the aim here. Avoidance is not the answer; acceptance is. Emotions exist to teach us valuable lessons. The key is learning how to rein them in when they get too intense for comfort.

Bottom line: When you can’t catch a break, detach yourself from what’s happening by acting as a fly on the wall. Turn to the comfort of familiar rituals (but without pretending that the frustration doesn’t exist) and use some objective self-examination to steady yourself.