Do you like people ‘out of your league’?

Dating has become more complicated in the digital age. We seem to have more options but less success. Dan Ariely’s idea of “assortative mating” will help you to understand how humans choose their partners on the level of attractiveness.

Where am I in the social hierarchy? When you grow up, you know where you fit in the social hierarchy. You understand who would date you and who would not.

Assortative mating involves ranking all men and women on how attractive they are, from the most to the least attractive. It turns out that the most attractive would date the most attractive, the middle would date the middle, and the low would date the low.

There are slight deviations, for instance someone at the top can pick anybody they want. A woman at the top can pick anyone and a man at the top can also pick anyone.

But what happens to people in the middle - which is most of us? Do people with a less attractive partner regret it everyday? Does a less attractive person see beauty differently than a more attractive person?

Dan Ariely did three tests: HotOrNot, Meet Me, and a speed dating event. He made the following conclusions based on these tests:

1. People ranked 9 approach different people than those ranked 4. The 4s basically approach people who are 4s or 5s; the people who are 9s approach 9s or 10s. People are a little optimistic, but they basically know their range.

2. We all see beauty in the same way. Do people who are inherently unattractive see beauty differently? In the terms of ‘hotness’, 9s rate people in the same way as people who are 4s. So people don't change their sense of beauty.

3. People who are very attractive cared more about attractiveness. People who are unattractive don't care so much about attractiveness - they want partners who are kind and have a good sense of humor.

Final note: People in the lower end and middle range of attractiveness adjust the desired attributes they want in their partner, so that looks are only one component. Humans are social creatures - we know our place in the social hierarchy, and work within it.