Things you should know about love: Anthropologist Helen Fisher

Helen Fisher is a biological anthropologist and a behaviour researcher. She has answered all the tricky questions about love and how it evolved over millions of years in the human brain. Let’s learn about love from her:

1. Is love at first sight real? Your brain system has a “love map” which has an unconscious and conscious list of qualities that you wish in your partner. When you meet someone who matches this list, love can be triggered instantly. So, yes it is real.

2. Can people be in love and still cheat? Yes, sex drive and love are different parts of the brain system. Adultery is found in more than 40 cultures and our brain is built for both sex drive and love. Helen Fisher calls this the dual human reproductive strategy.

3. Does platonic attraction differ from romantic love? Certain traits associated with romantic love are not found in platonic attraction. In love, everything about the other person becomes special. You are obsessed with every small detail. Platonic attraction is more objective.

4. Why does rejection make people crazy? Love activates a particular area of the brain called the nucleus accumbens which is also activated when people have addictions like gambling & drugs. Love is like an addiction. Rejection causes withdrawal of love & that makes people crazy.

5. Can you love someone and still be jealous of them? Yes, it is called mate-guarding and even other animals do it. Jealousy is a protective device that the brain uses to stay with/keep your partner.

6. How did monogamy develop? 97% of mammals do not pair up to rear their offspring. But humans form partnerships. Love, sex drive and deep attachment have evolved over millions of years to make us a more monogamous species.

7. Can someone feel lust more than love? Yes, if someone is not ready for love, they may feel lust more than love. We have evolved to have three distinct brain systems: Sex drive; romantic love; and attachment. One can develop all simultaneously or develop one before the other.

8. Can you find love online? Avoid doing this on dating apps - 

Don’t Binge: The human brain isn’t built to deal with more than 5-9 options. Get off the app after meeting 5-9 people.

Say Yes: Our brain has a negative bias. Focus on their good qualities & say yes to meeting them.

Final Note: Love is complicated, but its attendant feelings of motivation, focus, security, and care make it worth the effort. You will be “lucky in love” if you understand the biological drivers behind love. Know them, so as not to be controlled by them.